Don’t Marry Him!

I received a letter from Lissa, the 17-year-old daughter of a long-time friend.  Lissa loves the Lord Jesus and was seeking Christian advice.  She said she considers me a “sister” because we both are Christians.  She then explained that she had an 18-year-old boyfriend and wanted me to convince her parents that even though they were young, marrying him was the right thing to do.

She said, “He’s a Christian, but he does have a little anger problem.  Sometimes he hits me, but he needs me and I know I can help him.”

I wrote back:  “Dear Lissa, I’m glad you consider me a ‘sister’ because we are sisters in the Lord and sometimes that is closer than a blood relationship.  I’m glad you have a special friend and I’m pleased he knows the Lord.  But I want you to heed your big sister’s advice:

“The way Sam treats you now is the best he’ll ever treat you.  If he sometimes hits you now, he will hit you more after your marriage.

“Don’t marry him until you are confident he has grown more mature than you, in the things of the Lord.  The Bible tells us the husband is to be the spiritual leader in the home.  The wife is called to be submissive to her husband.  However, the husband is to love her AS Christ loved the church.  That’s a lot of love!  Read Ephesians 5:22-33.

“Sam’s most important purpose as a husband is to guide you in spiritual things so that someday he can present you to Christ holy and blameless.  In a sense, you are to be the follower and Sam the leader.

“Your parents love you and they can see the pitfalls ahead.  That is why God has given the commandment to honor your father and mother.  And again, ‘obey your parents.'”

As you may imagine, Lissa did not appreciate my letter, but she did receive my advice.
She thanked me years later when she married her Bible study leader.  Indeed, HE was God’s choice!

  •  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.   Ephesians 6:1
  •  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.             Ephesians 5:22-27
  • I LOVE THE LORDBy Kathleen
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This life is temporary.  This life is short.  When this life is over, our bodies will die and become empty shells, but our souls will continue to live forever.  Where will the “real you” live?  Will you live for all eternity separated from God?  Or will you spend eternity in the presence of God in heaven?   Learn more so you can make your most important decision:   http://www.godlife.com/gospel/

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About Kathleen

God delights in working through His people as they submit to Him. Jesus said to go into all the world and preach the good news to everyone (Mark 16:15). No matter where we live on this planet, people are separated from God because of sin. We ALL need a Savior, and there’s only ONE. It brings me great joy to share Christ with the lost and lonely. Over the years I’ve learned a great deal while facilitating Bible studies. I’ve found myself on college and university campuses, the beach, the streets, the hospital, the jail and the juvenile facility for incarcerated teens sharing God’s message of love. I also serve as an online missionary with Global Media Outreach. I’ve seen countless lives transformed when people turn away from sin and turn to Jesus. The changes God makes are real and lasting. These are some of my experiences. NOTE: My stories have been altered, removing any and all identifying factors. This includes names and other particulars in order to protect confidentiality and anonymity.
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16 Responses to Don’t Marry Him!

  1. Helene says:

    Your advice was based on the Word. Good advice, good outcome.

  2. ~ linda says:

    Such wisdom and shared so beautifully with this young woman at “such a time” as that. Now you can look back and see and, once again, share with us the outcome of that wise advice. Oh, that I would have known the Lord when I was 22 and in love with a man who would treat me “like dirt,” that I would have asked a “sister” for her advice, and then listened to the “still small voice” that I DID hear but chose to ignore. Ten years later I became divorced. For thirteen years I wandered, working and searching for what “seemed” to be missing until I met my husband of the past twenty years who also introduced me to the LORD (although I had known about him all my life).
    Thank you for visiting “Being Woven” for you brought me here to remind me of the grace of God and His overflowing mercies.
    Caring through Christ, linda

    • Kathleen says:

      Thank you Linda. It’s true: Knowing about God is not the same as knowing Him and having a relationship with Him. I’m sorry you had to go through such a difficult time in your earlier life, but I believe God uses these difficulties so we can then help others. I’m sure you praise Him for where He’s brought you now!

  3. Mel Thom says:

    Great advice to a youngster who was not married, and also to parents who might be at wits end over their child’s choice in a lifetime partner. Great that you responded to the letter with answers from the Word, and not just counsel from a psychologist’s perspective.

  4. Dorothy T. says:

    Thank you for sharing this. So many people (especially the women) believe this big myth that they can “change” someone. But of course they can’t. They also don’t seem to realize that while dating someone, that date IS on their best behavior. So if their date is already behaving badly outside of marriage, the problem will only be magnified x 10 after marriage. Domestic abuse is epidemic in our society and SO many people don’t understand this. Bless you, Kathleen, for opening her eyes to the truth, steering her away from that guy and preventing what could have been another (potential) casualty of domestic abuse.

  5. Jennifer R. says:

    Very wise post! So many young women think they can change their husbands after marriage, but that can only happen if the husband corrects his behavior and is willing to take on the responsibility of leadership in the household to present his wife and children to be holy and blameless before Him. Sharing!

  6. MATTHEW C. says:

    Very good post, it shows the importance of seeking godly advice (as well as, of course, listening to the inner witness of the Holy Spirit).

  7. fking1371 says:

    Love it! You are so right; the man tends to be on his best behavior before he says I do. The beating would have increased after marriage. Your godly counsel will bless Lissa for a lifetime and even beyond.

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